i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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