that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
