I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
