The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
