I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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