i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
