I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
