what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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