he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just blew my weed a kiss
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
