I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
whose parrot is this?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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