I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
