i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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