Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
