pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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