I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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