once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
being pregnant is like rehab
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
