Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
