your room smells of hookers.
And success
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
