You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
