i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
