He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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