sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
