We're like a lot better than the average bears
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
