it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
