You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I need to calm my uterus...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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