I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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