low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
