It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You need Xanax blowdarts
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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