I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
