onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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