from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
