who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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