The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
