I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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