i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
