If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
