You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
