she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
