i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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