He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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