I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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