he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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