You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
