So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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