i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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