i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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