do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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