"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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