I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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