end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I cockslap morals
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
