One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
