when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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