He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
