Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
