her vagine was all disorganized.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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