I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He better not be in your backpack
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
