i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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