There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
