hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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