Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
