He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize