Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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