Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
