I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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