i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
