Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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