NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
