I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
my liver is dry heaving
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize